Healthy people can be cruel…

I was talking to one of my friends today on the phone. I told him about my situation and he simply said that:

“Oh honey, it is your negative thoughts which creates your illnesses. You are creating allergies yourself. You are very depressed, that’s why you have those auto-immune problems.”

Source: http://www.wweek.com/extra/3546/lede1.jpg
Source: http://www.wweek.com/extra/3546/lede1.jpg

I had to be very angry or sad but I only laughed. That person is trying to become a life-coach. He has some certificate which he gave $15000 to get. Not an ICF one of course. I cannot even consider him as a friend any more.

Can you go in front of a person with cancer or MS and say that? “Oh, honey, your negative thoughts created this! Now, let me help you with coaching!” What kind of an approach is this? Cancer and MS are the two of the most severe auto-immune diseases today.

I believe in positive psychology, I am a psychologist for God’s sake. But neither psychology nor medical sciences found a cure for auto-immune diseases. The only thing I need now are friends not like him.

Healthy people are very cruel sometimes, and the psychologists are the ones who lack emphaty the most.

I have to say, what is worse than a disease without a cure, is a person who blames you for this.

Alex

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Alex - Project Lady

35 year old woman who has hit the rock bottom tryin to get up again and reach her 35 dreams I am a psychologist who suffers from major depression and severe fibromyalgia. It was all about career to me. But today, I have no job, no husband, no kids. Alone. And, I want to change my fucking life.

22 thoughts on “Healthy people can be cruel…”

  1. That is one thing I could not believe when my son would use a store’s wheel chair or park in a handicap space how mean people were to him. Of course they couldn’t see that he was in his last stages of his disease, but to scold him for it is painful to watch. I must say that my mother was the same way. She kept telling him that it was his attitude and to get over it. People can be mean!

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    1. Maybe blaming the victim is easier for them to cope with their feelings of guilt of being healthy for no reason.
      They are not better people with no sins, are they?

      What did your son do to deserve the disease? Nothing. So, for them, it should be the attitude. He is not sick, he just wants to show off, like people with cancer or MS. They should have done something to get it. Otherwise. healthy people cannot justify their state of being healthy for no good reason.

      It is pathetic that people with no heart are healthier.

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  2. He should not have said that to you. Anyone, especially someone such as a life coach, should try to uplift someone who is struggling. Not blame them.

    Positive thoughts do play a role in healing. If nothing more than giving the individual the motivation and the drive to get out of bed and the desire to be proactive with their health. BUT this is only one TINY piece of the puzzle.

    There are so many factors at play when it comes to health, and people don’t choose to be depressed. You are doing a wonderful job with setting attainable goals for youself to overcome depression and other health issues. Most importantly your projects are helping you get to the root of these problems without blame.

    Keep up the good work, and try not to let him get you down. You are inspiring a lot of ppl with project 35 and helping others see the importance of caring for themselves.

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  7. That was mean and insensitive. I wish it was so easy. I’ll just change my attitude and my autoimmune disease will heal itself. Too bad he can’t walk in your shoes. He’d probably change his tune fast.

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    1. I am so sorry to hear that 😦 Towards MS, that attitude is beyond cruel. I’ve met many MS sufferers and their families and I know how hard life is for you. Much much harder than mine. Phoenix is the best way to describe you. I can relate with that.
      Thank you phoenix for lighting up the world as you reborn again and again.

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      1. Thank you for your thoughful words 🙂 but I don’t consider myself worse off than anyone, we are all fighting our own battles… Compassion and empathy don’t cost a thing but not enough people think like that! Sending you lots of warm thoughts 🙂 xox

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  9. I despise when people make comments like that. First of all no one is happy all the time. At some point most everyone will have some sort of depression issue. While there have been significant improvements on educating people about auto immune diseases there are still some people who think they aren’t real or they are in our heads because of depression. You are awesome and that person can suck it.

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  10. I too have suffered with an auto immune disease. I think people say these kinds of things because you look fine on the outside. They can not see any signs of a disease and so they think it must not be real. Also the medical field has very few real answers. So, they think, how can it be real, if doctors can not fix it. People have a hard time believing in something they can not understand or pigeon hole.

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    1. I totally agree with you. But they are there and diabetes is autoimmune too. Can we blame someone for diabetes? “Oh you eat too much sugar.?” Oe can we say to an MS or cancer patient “Oh you made this to yourself because you worry too much!”

      These are autoimmune too. People just don’t get it until they happen to them. As I had IBS and constant gas in my bowel, I remember going to work was too hard. The pain was too much and I had to go as I could not convince my boss that I had a disease. Go to hospital he said. There is no cure! There is even no reason! Then he got diabetes. God is fair.

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  11. Well, I have met people who think that MS, diabetes and really any disease is the fault of the person who has it. This gives them some temporary comfort and false security. They think something like this. I have all the control in life. If I take care of myself spiritually, emotionally, physically, nothing bad can happen to me. It is too scary for them to think. I could get sick too. There is a lot in life we have no control over and bad thing do happen.

    I don’t thing God brings bad things into our life’s. We live on a broken planet. We damaged it even more by choices we, as a human race, have made.

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