Yesterday, when I was coming home from the university, where I had a meeting with my PhD thesis supervisor, I realized that I should start working again sometime. I was thinking about a teaching position at the same university; however, I was late to apply for the position for the Spring 2015 term. Therefore, I should wait until Fall 2015 and that would be too far.
I got some full time job offers for managerial positions from various companies; however, I know that I am in no condition working 8 to 5 again. I should do something more creative and more flexible. So, although my reserves are going down, I turned the offers down too.
I tried to think positively about it since I am still not well, maybe teaching right now is not the best option for me.
I decided to watch the sky and the birds instead 🙂 I dreamt about good days to come. I took some photos and felt blissful for the chance to take one of my favorite photos so far 🙂 I was happy, I was smiling with no reason but this chance to catch a bird and a plane together flying 🙂
Soon after, an old colleague of me called me and told me that she found a creative, flexible, R&D consulting job for me if I am interested. I said yes and felt blessed again for the opportunity.
Today I had a meeting with my advisor for my PhD Thesis.
It is going well but I am at the beginning of my yellow brick road. It will be hard and tiring and mostly boring too 🙂
However I plan to learn and discover on the road. I am a last minute person and it mostly worked well for me in many occasions in academics. However, this one I cannot risk. Therefore it will be quite a challenge for me to be organized 🙂 So yes, I am in 🙂
I will work on my thesis everyday for 2 hours and I will finish it. Next year, around this time I will do the last defense meeting and will graduate on Jan, 2016!
Made a nice presentation about my project plan for the next 2 semesters and I convinced the committee. I wasted 1 year of thesis writing with depression and sickness and have 1 year left. So in 1 year (2 semesters) I will start from zero and finish it!
I spoke openly and honestly why I could not do as I planned as I was sick & depressed. I apologized but I’ve made a B plan with a Jan 2016 graduation date. They loved my plan and encouraged me I will have my first meeting with my Thesis Advisor next week and until then I will be preparing the questionnaire for data collection. Fine by me, I am a stay home sick person, so let the THESIS PROJECT begin!
The most important thing was that, all the professors said that I was one of their best students ever and I should not worry because they believed in me both in getting better and finishing thesis! They believed in me more than I believed in myself! It was such an honor.
I am so happy and relieved!
As a treat to myself, I will eat my poached pumpkin dessert and watching Gandhi (1982) from my IMDB 250 watchlist.
Lunch cooked, eaten, dinner is being cooked, poached pumking dessert cooked (I made a huge pot of it from 2kgs of pumpkin for the whole week haha 🙂
I still have the PhD thesis defense thing and it bothers me a little as I did nothing about it. So, I decided to admit that tomorrow in front of a committee of professors including a dean 🙂
Sorry, I have nothing to lose now. I am trying to survive, to get healty, to increase my self-esteem, self-respect etc.
Not more than a month ago I was such a mess and now I reached a level of self-success of getting the control of my mind&body back. Thesis and the committe should wait.
If they fail me tomorrow, I will not despair. If they pass me I will not be relieved either. So, I am quite indifferent, why worry then?
I wish I was like this when I was younger when I thought that life was a race. Now, I see that all that it counts is me, and I don’t feel like racing any more, instead I feel like having what I want and when I want.
As Gregory House (main character of House MD TV show) said once
“You are an adult, you don’t HAVE TO do anything!”