I’ve just shaved my head and I don’t know what to think or feel about it…

Source: http://pixgood.com/bald-head-back.html
Source: http://pixgood.com/bald-head-back.html

I have had short hair for the past 6 years. I shaved my head twice before, once for fun when I was in college, once to support a friend a year ago who took chemotherapy for breast cancer. I wanted to show her that a woman can still be very beautiful without hair. It meant a lot to her and she shaved her head right after me and did not use wigs since.

When I shaved my head about a year ago, I was working in a consulting firm and my stupid boss got angry as I did not informed her beforehand. Why should anyone inform anyone for that for God’s sake? My boss threatened to fire me and she thought that I was trying to protest something in the office. I did not defend myself and tell them the reason. I thought that I should not have to be explaining myself for that.

They used this as an excuse and start mobbing me at the office and I was forced to resign 6 months later.

Afterwards they learned the reason and tried to reach me but not for a sincere apology, but to prevent me from suing them for mistreatment and mobbing.

People eh? Or should I say “corporate devils”?

Anyways, you know the rest, the major depression linked with my auto-immune diseases and constant pain in my life for the past 6 months. Read more on 10 THINGS ABOUT ME

Now, jobless, depressed and sick, this 35 year old career woman starts from zero.

With a shaved head again. 

Third time, but this time it was not my choice. It is for neither fun nor support. This time I happen to have Alopecia Areata, another auto-immune disease, which causes patchy hairloss on the scalp, where white blood cells from the immune system attack hair follicles and keep them from producing hair. It generally looks like this:

Source: http://www.aocd.org/resource/resmgr/ddb_high/alopecia_areata_1_high.jpg
Source:
http://www.aocd.org/resource/resmgr/ddb_high/alopecia_areata_1_high.jpg

Now I am looking at the mirror.

Do I deserve this? No.

Am I beautiful? Well, at least I still have my head on my shoulders. I still have my fingers to blog. I still can write my story. I still have you reading it. I am grateful. But do I FEEL beautiful? No.

When I shaved my head to support my friend, I did not feel bad about my look. I felt very beautiful then. It was my bold decision made me beautiful in my eyes maybe… Now that it was not my choice I feel forced to do it. I feel helpless. So, maybe this time, it will take some time to feel beautiful for me.

And when I do feel that, I will share a photo with you 🙂 But, I am not strong enough yet.

Love,

Alex

Healthy people can be cruel…

I was talking to one of my friends today on the phone. I told him about my situation and he simply said that:

“Oh honey, it is your negative thoughts which creates your illnesses. You are creating allergies yourself. You are very depressed, that’s why you have those auto-immune problems.”

Source: http://www.wweek.com/extra/3546/lede1.jpg
Source: http://www.wweek.com/extra/3546/lede1.jpg

I had to be very angry or sad but I only laughed. That person is trying to become a life-coach. He has some certificate which he gave $15000 to get. Not an ICF one of course. I cannot even consider him as a friend any more.

Can you go in front of a person with cancer or MS and say that? “Oh, honey, your negative thoughts created this! Now, let me help you with coaching!” What kind of an approach is this? Cancer and MS are the two of the most severe auto-immune diseases today.

I believe in positive psychology, I am a psychologist for God’s sake. But neither psychology nor medical sciences found a cure for auto-immune diseases. The only thing I need now are friends not like him.

Healthy people are very cruel sometimes, and the psychologists are the ones who lack emphaty the most.

I have to say, what is worse than a disease without a cure, is a person who blames you for this.

Alex