What I am (Some instant poetry for you from Alex)

WHAT I AM…

I was just offered a writing/consulting job for a documentary project on TV!

I received a phone call from a film director friend of mine today. About 2 months ago I told him that I have an idea for a documentary on everyday psychology and I thought about the pilot already. I told him and he liked it. However, I did not write it down as I thought that “This will be rejected by the TV producers anyway” I was not that hopeful thanks to my depression.

Today he said, he told my idea to a producer and he accepted to present the pilot to a TV channel and he wants me to get my ass down and write the script for the pilot this week. If the pilot passes, there will ve 13 episodes in total. I am so hopeful this time. For the next 2 days I will be working on that. This Wednesday the pilot script will be ready and sent to the channel!

If accepted in the first round, we will produce the pilot and if they like it, I will be writing 12 more episodes. They are also thinking to make me the presenter of the show but I want to keep my role at minimum on screen.

Organizing and dreaming all day…

Today, I organized my home, cleaned up a little bit, made some shopping, walked for an hour, took notes about everything as I forget them the next minute…

And, mostly I dreamt about what I want from my life!

There are so many things to do 🙂

I also made some lists on IMDb just for fun… OMG, I’ve watched a lot of movies and TV series. I mean, thousands of them. When did I do that? I guess, accumulating little by little works if you really love what you are doing. So, doing small things everyday become thousands one day. I want to develop a work environment like this. Do the best I do and do my favorite things every day. Here are my favorite things and I am good at them too:

– Travel & walk: I can walk for hours and I fit in everywhere.

– Meet new people who are different than me: I can learn just by watching. New excites me.

– Help people to create their vision in life: I am a psychologist and a life coach, I can talk people out of their existing place towards a more desired one.

– Write: I really love writing for an audience. That is you 🙂 I write really fast.

– Dream: I can do this all day long 🙂 It is my elixir of life

Ok, ok I admit that I’ve become lazy :)

I was quite lazy about my projects this last week but I have some excuses. I was sick for 3 days, I wasted my time on a date for 2 days, and I was a lazy bitch for 2 days. My excuses are not very good 🙂

So I should be getting my butt up and get to work.

I decided to be alone this year…

I do not know why but men have been quite interested in me recently. I do not even feel beautiful that much these days. Within this last week (after my disasterous date experience) quite a few people around me have been constantly calling, asking me out etc. I told them very honestly that I want something for the rest of my life and I am done with dating. I want to get settled down when I feel sure of someone.

So I have kept my distance towards them and this honesty really worked fine for me. Men started to act more respectful. I told them that we were friends, they do not owe me any promises and they can do whatever they want with their lives. They started to call me more?!?!

I really do not understand men.

I do not understand the women who made them this way either.

I just want a peaceful life with myself this year. It will be my 3rd year alone and I have no room for disappointments. So, decided to keep my distance. First, I want a trustful friendship, maybe later, in time, it will grow as a relationship. If it won’t I would not be crying.

So, let’s get to business and projects 🙂 No men, no cry 🙂

Love,

Alex

New projects are on the way…

I will be starting a new blog as a part of my art exhibition project.

I will be opening my art exhibit online! I am not sure whether I want to sell them so I will leave this decision for later.

I have already purchased the domain and hosting. Now I am tweaking on my theme. I think I will be up all night as this is so exciting for me.

Wish me luck!

Alex

My self-portrait for January 2015

January was about being content with my loneliness and healing.

What’s better than nature for healing?

Self portrait – Jan 2015

I spent my 2 days of this last week out in nature every day.

My hair has grown a little.

I had some disappointments in the past few days.

I know it will pass. I will never let anyone make me feel bad so I got rid of him.

I came to myself with your help.

At the end, it is me, myself and you dear reader 🙂 

Thank you for making me love me again.

Alex

From “stupid” to “strong” Alex :)

After writing about “him who hurt me” on my blog, I deleted his number and put it in Autoreject list, also blocked him from Instagram, Whatsapp and Facebook in 5 minutes.

I am proud of my decision for not letting him contact me ever again. I will let noone hurt me.

After several hours, he tried to call many times (as I saw on Autoreject notifications) and sent me several SMS (I do not know how to block them :)) He is still trying to understand why I did this. I did not even care to explain.

Thank you for being there for me. I felt really strong with your support!

Love you reader! I feel like Lamassu is protecting me.

Strong Alex 🙂

Nope, he turned out to be “just the same as others”…

I haven’t included “love” or “a relationship” in my projects because I don’t think they should be handled like a goal/project. Love should be magical and sudden. It should be surprising and full of excitement.

This does not mean I do not want love in my life, but I want to go slow. 

I’ve met someone 3 days ago. He was super nice to me. Very kind and keen to meet. Our first date was very promising as we talked and laughed a lot. I told him about my fears about getting hurt again and he said ok.

He wanted to see me the next day and we met again.

Today I will be wishing more…

I am forcing myself to wish for more and more positive things. I now believe that I get what I wish for. All this time, I thought my realistic side made me strong but it was making me miserable.

When I find myself pitying for me again, I distract my mind for the better things to expect.

So I wish myself a great Sunday with full of sun. It is sunny outside and I am going to the beach today. I will walk for 5-6 hours, read my book and have myself a nice day.

Please do yourself a favor today and postpone your worries to Monday 🙂 Get depressed tomorrow, not today. Have fun & peace like it is your last day.

I love you all,

Alex