Thanks to my tooth infection…

I want to thank my tooth infection as it:

  • Thaught me how nice life is without it
  • Made me watch “Cast Away” again just for the sake of the tooth removal scene
  • Made me not eat those chocolates so I lost 7lbs in a week.
  • Forced me to jumpstart living and
  • Reminded me how valuable not to have that pain.

Continue reading Thanks to my tooth infection…

After a week of silence… I am back…

Well, it was a horrific week with lots of toothache, headache, tooth infection, fever, sleepless nights, lots of painkillers, 4 different antibiotics in a row, severe diarrhea and gas due to that, many many visits to the dental hospital, severe doses of anesthesia, 3 hours long dental operation, lots of bleeding, severe bone infection, fight with the landowner about contract renewal, having less than 100$ on bank account, unnecesary calls from the ex’es on Valentine’s Day (I guess they call everyone on their lists, and I basically told them to fuck off), severe fatigue, severe depression…

Continue reading After a week of silence… I am back…

One of the worst days revisited…

This toothache is killing me head.

Another round of antibiotics are killing my gut.

My landowner sent me an SMS “Increase the rent payment 100% or get out”

I feel so alone today. I cannot fix anything.

It “kinda” follows like the movie…

I have good luck and bad luck at the same time.

One after another. Last week my dream job offer came, then happened the urticaria. It was itching & burning like hell! I had a dentist appointment that I missed as of the severe and constant itching all over. Went to a doctor about it and he said: “We don’t know why urticaria happens. (Doctors, eh?) Just take these antihistamines. There is no cure (I know hun) but you can manage the symptoms.” Another auto-immune! Well, I took those antihistamines and they made me sleep all day and forgot about the dental problem.

Continue reading It “kinda” follows like the movie…

One of those days with that morphine effect…

There are some days like my yesterday, when you got tired of emotions. My “so called” coach friends made me tired, my chronic auto-immune diseases made me tired, my dissociative body made me tired. I was sad and very emotional.

You’ve had those days too. Hard days. The next day, the body and the mind gets too tired and react towards all these tiring stuff. That is a stage called apathy. It is like you are watching yourself like a theatre show from a distance. You do not control, you do not react, you do not get into any conversation with your mind. It is like one-day retirement of emotions.

Source: http://www.gurl.com/2012/03/10/cats-sleeping-in-weird-places/
Source: http://www.gurl.com

It is a morphine effect of body when severely injured and the pain is too much to feel, body shots down the pain receptors in the brain. Today is one of these days for me. Shut down. Emotionless. Retiring for one day.

I just watched some movies from the list, took my painkillers and antibiotics for my tooth, took my probiotics for my gut like I am a machine. So automatic. So (e)motionless.

Tomorrow I plan to get back to myself with more will power. But today, today I will be a eyewitness to myself. Today I just don’t feel like doing anything…

Like in poker. I will just pass this time.

Tomorrow, I will be better.

Love,

Alex

Today is one of the bad days, but not dead yet…

I am not happy today. It was all going good. Now I am back to where I was 3 weeks ago.

My stomach aches, I have severe diarrhea due to antibiotics although I have many supplements of probiotics etc.

As an extra, I have a fever due to tooth infection and 2 new cold sores appeared today because of that. I also have a sinus infection. So, pain doubled in my head.

I was watching Avengers and all I was thinking during the movie was: “Oh Thor, can you come and hit my jar with your hammer and end this please?”

A new one is added to my long list of auto-immunes, I now have Alopecia areata too. I am losing my hair. Doctor says that it could be another fungal infection or just without reason.

I’ve read website of National AA Foundation and try not to cry right now.

My hair is already very short and now I will shave it all. It looks so bad mostly on the left side in the front.

I will put garlic on my scalp but it will take time to regrow (if it regrows I hope)

Today, is not a good one. But I will keep on writing and trying. Not dead yet…

Love,

Alex

UPdate: Movies vs brain fog :)

Tooth – still aching but less 🙂

Movies – Gandhi (1982), Lagaan: Once Upon a Time in India (2001) and Apocalypse Now (1979) are done 🙂

Brain fog due to painkillers – Sad but true 🙂

Maybe The Avengers (2012) help 🙂