I have had short hair for the past 6 years. I shaved my head twice before, once for fun when I was in college, once to support a friend a year ago who took chemotherapy for breast cancer. I wanted to show her that a woman can still be very beautiful without hair. It meant a lot to her and she shaved her head right after me and did not use wigs since.
When I shaved my head about a year ago, I was working in a consulting firm and my stupid boss got angry as I did not informed her beforehand. Why should anyone inform anyone for that for God’s sake? My boss threatened to fire me and she thought that I was trying to protest something in the office. I did not defend myself and tell them the reason. I thought that I should not have to be explaining myself for that.
They used this as an excuse and start mobbing me at the office and I was forced to resign 6 months later.
Afterwards they learned the reason and tried to reach me but not for a sincere apology, but to prevent me from suing them for mistreatment and mobbing.
People eh? Or should I say “corporate devils”?
Anyways, you know the rest, the major depression linked with my auto-immune diseases and constant pain in my life for the past 6 months. Read more on 10 THINGS ABOUT ME
Now, jobless, depressed and sick, this 35 year old career woman starts from zero.
With a shaved head again.
Third time, but this time it was not my choice. It is for neither fun nor support. This time I happen to have Alopecia Areata, another auto-immune disease, which causes patchy hairloss on the scalp, where white blood cells from the immune system attack hair follicles and keep them from producing hair. It generally looks like this:
Now I am looking at the mirror.
Do I deserve this? No.
Am I beautiful? Well, at least I still have my head on my shoulders. I still have my fingers to blog. I still can write my story. I still have you reading it. I am grateful. But do I FEEL beautiful? No.
When I shaved my head to support my friend, I did not feel bad about my look. I felt very beautiful then. It was my bold decision made me beautiful in my eyes maybe… Now that it was not my choice I feel forced to do it. I feel helpless. So, maybe this time, it will take some time to feel beautiful for me.
And when I do feel that, I will share a photo with you 🙂 But, I am not strong enough yet.
Made a nice presentation about my project plan for the next 2 semesters and I convinced the committee. I wasted 1 year of thesis writing with depression and sickness and have 1 year left. So in 1 year (2 semesters) I will start from zero and finish it!
I spoke openly and honestly why I could not do as I planned as I was sick & depressed. I apologized but I’ve made a B plan with a Jan 2016 graduation date. They loved my plan and encouraged me I will have my first meeting with my Thesis Advisor next week and until then I will be preparing the questionnaire for data collection. Fine by me, I am a stay home sick person, so let the THESIS PROJECT begin!
The most important thing was that, all the professors said that I was one of their best students ever and I should not worry because they believed in me both in getting better and finishing thesis! They believed in me more than I believed in myself! It was such an honor.
I am so happy and relieved!
As a treat to myself, I will eat my poached pumpkin dessert and watching Gandhi (1982) from my IMDB 250 watchlist.