Yea yea I failed again… But I’ve gained something priceless…

Yes I failed myself during the past week about weight control.

I’ve gained almost all the weight I’ve lost as I spent my days in bed at home, sick, with toothache, with antibiotics + probiotics, oversleeping, some crying for hairloss due to alopecia areata, some victimizing myself etc etc.

Candida of course is back again, I did everything I could but the antibiotics won.

So, where am I? I am as sick as the first day when I started blogging but something is different now. I am not as helpless as in the first day which was about 20 days ago.

Everything is as shitty as it was, but I am less helpless.

What has been changed in less than a month about me?

YOU!

I’ve not been changed that much but now I have an audience, followers who support me, people who care for me, take some of their precious time to read this. As more of you are added in my life, I became less helpless and grew stronger towards the setbacks and obstacles.

I have more trust in myself now although I failed again in some of my projects. They will get better. I am sure of that.

Because YOU are increasing in my life and YOU give me this motivation.

Thank you dear reader,

You cannot imagine, by just reading this, how helpful you are to change someone’s life.

Like you’ve just done right now 🙂

Love

Alex

One of those days with that morphine effect…

There are some days like my yesterday, when you got tired of emotions. My “so called” coach friends made me tired, my chronic auto-immune diseases made me tired, my dissociative body made me tired. I was sad and very emotional.

You’ve had those days too. Hard days. The next day, the body and the mind gets too tired and react towards all these tiring stuff. That is a stage called apathy. It is like you are watching yourself like a theatre show from a distance. You do not control, you do not react, you do not get into any conversation with your mind. It is like one-day retirement of emotions.

Source: http://www.gurl.com

It is a morphine effect of body when severely injured and the pain is too much to feel, body shots down the pain receptors in the brain. Today is one of these days for me. Shut down. Emotionless. Retiring for one day.

I just watched some movies from the list, took my painkillers and antibiotics for my tooth, took my probiotics for my gut like I am a machine. So automatic. So (e)motionless.

Tomorrow I plan to get back to myself with more will power. But today, today I will be a eyewitness to myself. Today I just don’t feel like doing anything…

Like in poker. I will just pass this time.

Tomorrow, I will be better.

Love,

Alex

My first two goals are set with deadlines!

1. Get my health back. Win against Leaky Gut Syndrome, Irritable Bowel Syndrome and Fibromyalgia through healthy diet full of probiotics, aminoacids but without carbs and caffeine. First deadline: Show some progress in 10 days and be energetic on Jan 5th 2015 for my PhD thesis defence meeting. (first posted on 23.12.2014)

2. Be size 4 again, which is my ideal size since I am 5’3” (160cm) and that is tiny :))) My deadline to reach that is end of January 2015. However, I will not do a speed diet or anything. I just keep on what I eat and walk everyday. The goal does not end here of course, keeping that size throughout the year is the real deal. (first posted on 23.12.2014)

New goals will be added as I get more and more motivated!

PS: If I cannot reach them by deadlines I will revise them and keep working on them 🙂