A month ago, I started this blog. I wrote 10 things about me and it was very depressing to honestly admit that I have many problems. Now, I will make the first monthly evaluation. My comments of today are marked with red. Updated on Jan 23, 2015.
1.Single, white, female like the fucking movie. I am single, never been married, I live alone. I am fucking alone. Therefore, I have no personal life or career. What do I have?
I am still single 🙂 However, I do not feel alone. I have you dear reader! Actually, I enjoy my alone time a lot. I have many projects so I do not think about my single status that much.
I have severe fibromyalgia, mitral valve pulmonerasis (heart disease), major depression, leaky gut syndrome, migraines, irritable bowel syndrome and the worst of it “candida albicans” throughout my digestive system. It is suprising that I haven’t died yet!
I have had short hair for the past 6 years. I shaved my head twice before, once for fun when I was in college, once to support a friend a year ago who took chemotherapy for breast cancer. I wanted to show her that a woman can still be very beautiful without hair. It meant a lot to her and she shaved her head right after me and did not use wigs since.
When I shaved my head about a year ago, I was working in a consulting firm and my stupid boss got angry as I did not informed her beforehand. Why should anyone inform anyone for that for God’s sake? My boss threatened to fire me and she thought that I was trying to protest something in the office. I did not defend myself and tell them the reason. I thought that I should not have to be explaining myself for that.
They used this as an excuse and start mobbing me at the office and I was forced to resign 6 months later.
Afterwards they learned the reason and tried to reach me but not for a sincere apology, but to prevent me from suing them for mistreatment and mobbing.
People eh? Or should I say “corporate devils”?
Anyways, you know the rest, the major depression linked with my auto-immune diseases and constant pain in my life for the past 6 months. Read more on 10 THINGS ABOUT ME
Now, jobless, depressed and sick, this 35 year old career woman starts from zero.
With a shaved head again.
Third time, but this time it was not my choice. It is for neither fun nor support. This time I happen to have Alopecia Areata, another auto-immune disease, which causes patchy hairloss on the scalp, where white blood cells from the immune system attack hair follicles and keep them from producing hair. It generally looks like this:
Now I am looking at the mirror.
Do I deserve this? No.
Am I beautiful? Well, at least I still have my head on my shoulders. I still have my fingers to blog. I still can write my story. I still have you reading it. I am grateful. But do I FEEL beautiful? No.
When I shaved my head to support my friend, I did not feel bad about my look. I felt very beautiful then. It was my bold decision made me beautiful in my eyes maybe… Now that it was not my choice I feel forced to do it. I feel helpless. So, maybe this time, it will take some time to feel beautiful for me.
And when I do feel that, I will share a photo with you 🙂 But, I am not strong enough yet.