Well, it was a horrific week with lots of toothache, headache, tooth infection, fever, sleepless nights, lots of painkillers, 4 different antibiotics in a row, severe diarrhea and gas due to that, many many visits to the dental hospital, severe doses of anesthesia, 3 hours long dental operation, lots of bleeding, severe bone infection, fight with the landowner about contract renewal, having less than 100$ on bank account, unnecesary calls from the ex’es on Valentine’s Day (I guess they call everyone on their lists, and I basically told them to fuck off), severe fatigue, severe depression…
This toothache is killing me head.
Another round of antibiotics are killing my gut.
My landowner sent me an SMS “Increase the rent payment 100% or get out”
I feel so alone today. I cannot fix anything.
I have good luck and bad luck at the same time.
One after another. Last week my dream job offer came, then happened the urticaria. It was itching & burning like hell! I had a dentist appointment that I missed as of the severe and constant itching all over. Went to a doctor about it and he said: “We don’t know why urticaria happens. (Doctors, eh?) Just take these antihistamines. There is no cure (I know hun) but you can manage the symptoms.” Another auto-immune! Well, I took those antihistamines and they made me sleep all day and forgot about the dental problem.
As you remember, I recently regained my successfully lost pounds back in the past week.
I started with 130lbs on 23rd Dec 2015.
Lost 10lbs and I was 120lbs on 2nd Jan 2015.
Gained them back on and reached 128lbs on 10th Jan 2015.
Lost some of that gained and today I am 123lbs on 13rd Jan 2015.
Yes with some setbacks due to toothache + antibiotics + painkillers + oversleeping + less movement + depressed eating I was a little bit out of route. Now, I am getting back to my project.
A few people said that my happiness should not be measured by lbs or kgs, I should be happy with what I am…
Why the hell I am doing this life changing project then? Of course I am not happy with what I am 🙂 That is why I have 35 projects to go… I just cannot understand people sometimes 🙂
Thank God, there are many people here supporting me. Thank you so much for your support. I did not give up! I may change my deadline for weightloss as I don’t want to rush myself that much and lose my health again. Maybe 15th of February will replace my ex-deadline 31st Jan 2015 for ideal weight project.
Yes I failed myself during the past week about weight control.
I’ve gained almost all the weight I’ve lost as I spent my days in bed at home, sick, with toothache, with antibiotics + probiotics, oversleeping, some crying for hairloss due to alopecia areata, some victimizing myself etc etc.
Candida of course is back again, I did everything I could but the antibiotics won.
So, where am I? I am as sick as the first day when I started blogging but something is different now. I am not as helpless as in the first day which was about 20 days ago.
Everything is as shitty as it was, but I am less helpless.
What has been changed in less than a month about me?
I’ve not been changed that much but now I have an audience, followers who support me, people who care for me, take some of their precious time to read this. As more of you are added in my life, I became less helpless and grew stronger towards the setbacks and obstacles.
I have more trust in myself now although I failed again in some of my projects. They will get better. I am sure of that.
Because YOU are increasing in my life and YOU give me this motivation.
Thank you dear reader,
You cannot imagine, by just reading this, how helpful you are to change someone’s life.
Like you’ve just done right now 🙂
There are some days like my yesterday, when you got tired of emotions. My “so called” coach friends made me tired, my chronic auto-immune diseases made me tired, my dissociative body made me tired. I was sad and very emotional.
You’ve had those days too. Hard days. The next day, the body and the mind gets too tired and react towards all these tiring stuff. That is a stage called apathy. It is like you are watching yourself like a theatre show from a distance. You do not control, you do not react, you do not get into any conversation with your mind. It is like one-day retirement of emotions.
It is a morphine effect of body when severely injured and the pain is too much to feel, body shots down the pain receptors in the brain. Today is one of these days for me. Shut down. Emotionless. Retiring for one day.
I just watched some movies from the list, took my painkillers and antibiotics for my tooth, took my probiotics for my gut like I am a machine. So automatic. So (e)motionless.
Tomorrow I plan to get back to myself with more will power. But today, today I will be a eyewitness to myself. Today I just don’t feel like doing anything…
Like in poker. I will just pass this time.
Tomorrow, I will be better.
I was just getting better and now I am turning back where I’ve started…
Antibiotics again which will kill all the probiotics and increase gut candida 😦
The dentist said I should use it or he cannot operate on my tooth and it will infect my body severely.
I feel not desperate but little bit angry towards myself. I should have finished the dental business before I started gut and candida treatment.
Oh! 🙂 Sometimes it is too much, isn’t it? Thank God, I am still alive and I can blog :)))
I will continue to probiotics and other treatments but this week my progress will probably slow down a lot. I hope, I won’t need to use antibiotics for at least 6 months until I heal my gut.
Sometimes life does not even give lemons, then I just drink water 🙂