Yea yea I failed again… But I’ve gained something priceless…

Yes I failed myself during the past week about weight control.

I’ve gained almost all the weight I’ve lost as I spent my days in bed at home, sick, with toothache, with antibiotics + probiotics, oversleeping, some crying for hairloss due to alopecia areata, some victimizing myself etc etc.

Candida of course is back again, I did everything I could but the antibiotics won.

So, where am I? I am as sick as the first day when I started blogging but something is different now. I am not as helpless as in the first day which was about 20 days ago.

Everything is as shitty as it was, but I am less helpless.

What has been changed in less than a month about me?

YOU!

I’ve not been changed that much but now I have an audience, followers who support me, people who care for me, take some of their precious time to read this. As more of you are added in my life, I became less helpless and grew stronger towards the setbacks and obstacles.

I have more trust in myself now although I failed again in some of my projects. They will get better. I am sure of that.

Because YOU are increasing in my life and YOU give me this motivation.

Thank you dear reader,

You cannot imagine, by just reading this, how helpful you are to change someone’s life.

Like you’ve just done right now 🙂

Love

Alex

I’ve just shaved my head and I don’t know what to think or feel about it…

Source: http://pixgood.com/bald-head-back.html

I have had short hair for the past 6 years. I shaved my head twice before, once for fun when I was in college, once to support a friend a year ago who took chemotherapy for breast cancer. I wanted to show her that a woman can still be very beautiful without hair. It meant a lot to her and she shaved her head right after me and did not use wigs since.

When I shaved my head about a year ago, I was working in a consulting firm and my stupid boss got angry as I did not informed her beforehand. Why should anyone inform anyone for that for God’s sake? My boss threatened to fire me and she thought that I was trying to protest something in the office. I did not defend myself and tell them the reason. I thought that I should not have to be explaining myself for that.

They used this as an excuse and start mobbing me at the office and I was forced to resign 6 months later.

Afterwards they learned the reason and tried to reach me but not for a sincere apology, but to prevent me from suing them for mistreatment and mobbing.

People eh? Or should I say “corporate devils”?

Anyways, you know the rest, the major depression linked with my auto-immune diseases and constant pain in my life for the past 6 months. Read more on 10 THINGS ABOUT ME

Now, jobless, depressed and sick, this 35 year old career woman starts from zero.

With a shaved head again. 

Third time, but this time it was not my choice. It is for neither fun nor support. This time I happen to have Alopecia Areata, another auto-immune disease, which causes patchy hairloss on the scalp, where white blood cells from the immune system attack hair follicles and keep them from producing hair. It generally looks like this:

Source:
http://www.aocd.org/resource/resmgr/ddb_high/alopecia_areata_1_high.jpg

Now I am looking at the mirror.

Do I deserve this? No.

Am I beautiful? Well, at least I still have my head on my shoulders. I still have my fingers to blog. I still can write my story. I still have you reading it. I am grateful. But do I FEEL beautiful? No.

When I shaved my head to support my friend, I did not feel bad about my look. I felt very beautiful then. It was my bold decision made me beautiful in my eyes maybe… Now that it was not my choice I feel forced to do it. I feel helpless. So, maybe this time, it will take some time to feel beautiful for me.

And when I do feel that, I will share a photo with you 🙂 But, I am not strong enough yet.

Love,

Alex