10 things about me

Self illustration by me... I will draw one everyday and share my daily looks.
Self illustration by me…
I will draw one everyday and share my daily looks.

1. Single, white, female like the fucking movie. I am single, never been married, I live alone. I am fucking alone. Therefore, I have no personal life or career. What do I have?

I have severe fibromyalgia, mitral valve pulmonerasis (heart disease), major depression, leaky gut syndrome, migraines, irritable bowel syndrome and the worst of it “candida albicans” throughout my digestive system. It is suprising that I haven’t died yet!

2. Just turned 35 and my life is ultra-shitty mess. People say that 35 is the best age blah blah, well it is a huge lie. At least for me. This is the worst time ever. Actually, I do not recall a single happy moment in the last 3 years.

4. I have high IQ (over 160 and it is a curse), I hold a graduate degree in psychology that is even ridiculous cause I have major depression right now. Ironic? I wish I could laugh at it. I am in deep shit and I want to fix that and share my daily efforts with whoever wants to read.

5. I have spent half of my life ”trying to be something or someone” both for me and others. For the time being, I have always been too scared to do something bold like keeping an honest online diary. Well, that did not work out so well for the past 35 yrs, did it? So I quit that strategy cause maybe you can give me some support.

6. EVERY FUCKING THING I WRITE HERE IS 100% TRUE. By the way, my real name is not Alex. But it is my favorite one.

7. I smoke like a chimney. I am not proud of it. I just cannot quit.

8.  I read a lot. Learning is my passion. I like to write but I had problems writing on daily basis. Hope my followers help me with that. I can draw and I will share my drawings through this page.

9. I used to have a successful career until this year. And then, I got fired/forced to quit. I used to have a very fit body size 4 and now it turned to a 10 in 3 months. I use anti-depressants. I sleep a lot. I feel fat, ugly and sick all the time. I really want to heal both physiologically & psychologically and get better. I try everything but they don’t seem to work.

10. My35project is my original idea to reach 35 goals this year and try to succeed in both my private and work life.

Thanks for reading.

Alex

 

Dec 21, 2014

123 thoughts on “10 things about me”

  1. You look to be an amazing artist! That picture is so well drawn. It is a talent I have always wished I had, but unfortunately there are toddlers with better drawing skills than me!
    There are some lovely people here on WordPress…..I think you have come to the right place (((hugs)))

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Try the Paleo diet! Sign up for Civilized Caveman’s email list he sends free meal plans. Paleo will help you heal the leaky gut, candida, which should then get rid of your other issues, and make your smoking easier to quit. And keep creating! Good luck.

    Like

  3. Alex, Thank you for leaving a comment on my blog. You have some interesting goals for 2015, I hope that you achieve them. One goal I try to reach each year is to laugh more and read more fiction. I wish this for you and your readers.

    smswaby.wordpress.com

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This 35 goal idea has kinda kindled a new spirit inside me. Well, now that’s an amazing thing. I wish I could find more people like you who are bold enough to tell about themselves, who are courageous not to lie, and who are brave to recollect. I wish you all the very best. Keep writing. I need some good reads.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. More honesty…
      I am very ashamed to be depressed as a psychologist 🙂
      I hope I can manage that within the year.
      These are also written in 10 things about me.
      I am a well known psychologist and I am still afraid what people say if they learn how depressed I am :)))

      Funny but true.

      Why don’t you start your own project?
      You are very similar to me. It will change your world I promise…

      Like

      1. Yup , am thinking of starting one .. Well I am also interested in psychology, but that’s kinda image that most psychologists have turned out to be … i dont wana say .. so I refrain from getting more intrigued towards Psychology

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I can say much more but this struck me: “I am very ashamed to be depressed as a psychologist”…that’s like an optometrist being ashamed of needing glasses or a medical doctor for getting sick. You are a human being and you are, obviously, not immune to the same illnesses from which we mortals suffer. I have suffered depression and I don’t have the physical (not all) ailments that you do so cut yourself some slack. Otherwise, I am interested in following your journey.
        Oh, and, you may as well be brutally honest – your anonymous but, more importantly, it’s the only way to self-discovery and healing. (((alex)))

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  5. Meditate and put one foot in front of the other,one step at a time. I’m sorry to hear of your struggles but you are on the right track. I look forward to stopping by your blog to see how you are doing. Read the Untethered Soul by Michael Singer – it is very helpful. Thanks for reading seekingmeaningfulness.wordpress.com.

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  6. Thanks for following my blog, I appreciate it! I love reading and sharing great books with others and I hope you find something there that will be useful to you. Sounds like you are really going through a difficult time – we’ve all been there to some degree. Surround yourself with people who will lift you up and encourage you, not drag you down. But remember it’s more important to become the person God wants you to be, not what other people expect you to be. I pray that God uses these things in your life to draw you to Himself – the only one who can bring true peace, joy, and healing. Hope this doesn’t sound like I’m preaching, but just that I care and want to share what is meaningful to me.

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  7. I like that you set a goal for yourself and named your blog after it. so far I see that you are good at these writeups. its like ure giving the world the best you’ve got. keep it up. I hope to read more and look at those lovely drawings Alex. Stay cool.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. You’re on the right path Alex. The first step to recovery is to acknowledge that there is a problem. You have done well. Think happy thoughts, and somehow, get help for that smoking, I know you can do it. Cheers.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Check out Byron Katie on You Tube or her website http://www.TheWork.com. I read her book, “Loving What Is: 4 Questions that Will Change Your Life” and it gave me a whole new prospective on my life and the story I tell about it. Of course, you have to do the work to make it work:)
    Hope this helps.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I looked at the questions on the website.
      They are really good for evaluating and reconstucturing negative thoughts/beliefs etc. As a psychologist I used those methods in both CBT, solution focused theraphy, and also in coaching.

      However, those do not work on therapists 🙂
      The only thing right now which will make me better is to feel successful again by achieving my goals.

      The only thing I need is support. And by commenting, following you’ve already done that 🙂

      So , thank you! Just keep on commenting and reading. It means a lot to me. It keeps me going right now.

      Like

  10. I felt very silly beginning my blog (s) knowing my reason for starting them was therapy. Sounds silly but the more I view others’ blogs the more I see other people doing the same thing. That fact alone makes me feel stronger so thanks for sharing. I wish you luck. There are awesome things ahead of you.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Yes I do. Actually, some people use fb or twitter for theraphy and attention. However, bloggers are more introvert and alone. but have more to say about life. This is the best platform for a person who has a voice and a story to tell

        Liked by 1 person

  11. You are off to a good start. We all need to look at ourselves and set goals. I love your talent for art. I’ve been around for a long time and have had many life experiences. One of my goals this year is to be of help to others. I wish only the best for you. Your decision to follow my blog “bloglifesjourney” is appreciated.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Would be more than happy to do whatever I can to help. Right now I have lots of words about experiences. Life is good, even when it hurts; which sometimes seems all the time. But, daylight always comes and there is an end to the night. Look forward with hope.

        Liked by 2 people

  12. Alex you can get through everything if you want to! You’re on a good start and I’m really proud of you! Maybe you’re not close to your family or friends right now, but look at all these comments on here 🙂 We’re a lot of people caring for you xx

    Liked by 2 people

  13. If nothing else, you are brave for sharing so openly. With so many physical medical problems, I wonder if there is possibly a single underlying cause. I had a relative that was misdiagnosed for years with many different diseases or conditions, and after going to a new Doctor, she was properly diagnosed ands treated. Her problem was hormonal. She was being treated for heart disease, among other things, and her hair fell out. Properly diagnosed, most of her health problems were improved and her hair grew back. While you are in the thick of this, it is no wonder you feel depressed. I like your sketch.

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  14. A goods piece of advice I got many years ago went along the lines, when the shit is hitting the fan, and it is all going pear shaped, spend a couple of moments to yell long and loud a few profanities, but then set about the task of getting it all back onto an even keel.

    I’ve called on that advice a few times over the years…

    Hey, good luck sweetie, you seem like the sort of person that will call it like it is, and that is a good start to recovery! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Thanks for following my blog Alex, really appreciate it. Can’t remember if I wrote on your wall already (have MS so the memory isn’t the best) but as a chronic pain wearer (I hate negative wording when I write but sometimes it is just fucking painful having trigeminal neuralgia) I know where you stand. Had a bout of depression last summer and got over it, but with life being so bloody painful sometimes I just told myself, “listen, you either sit here bawling your eyes out, or you drag that bloody miserable from that couch and get out there.” Hhmm… kinda helped but just wanted to say, listen, take your time being depressed, nobody will push you and if they are, send them my way so I can suckerpunch them where the sun don’t shine. Keep your head up kiddo, I’ll be 42 this summer and stopped caring about the number. It’ll change whether I want it or not.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Billie, you’ve just made me cry from happiness. It’s like you are my big bro/sis, like a protector from the “know-it-all” people around me. Thank you for just being there for me. 42 is the meaning of life and the ultimate answer for the ultimate question 🙂
      Although we don’t know the ultimate question yet 🙂
      I hope, at least for today, you feel no bloody pain.
      I’ve just watched Life of Brian and laughed at every scene 🙂 Bloody brilliant 🙂

      Sending you huge hugs Billie 🙂

      Like

  16. I was clueless on what to say after i read the about! But i wanted to have a say. Wishing you very very all the best! Am happy that i have started following your blog.

    I hope and am sure, pretty sure, you will stand out as an inspiration to many one day!
    🙂

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  17. Hello Alex…

    Honesty is the best policy and from what I’ve read so far you come with bucket loads of the stuff! I have read your ’35 Projects’ and boy have you set yourself a lot of projects – I wish you the best of luck in achieving what you most desire throughout the year and beyond and I hope you find happiness along the way because you truly deserve it.

    I look forward to watching your posts roll in documenting your successes, adventures, ideas and of course the trials and tribulations – you learn a lot from that.

    You’re amazing Alex.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I could say “get over it” like an ex-friend said to me but that sucks and shows complete lack of empathy. I could say “other people have worse” like my 100% healthy sister says to me but OK, so what, that does not make me feel better. We need to be allowed to acknowledge the tough to find some plus…. like YOUR AMAZING ART….. a BIG plus. I am an artist, have taught art to diploma level, have won awards, far from the “world’s best…. but I do recognise talent when I see it. I use my art to help me cope…. with five injections a day, 6 months of blindness (fortunately vision came back, cataracts, Addisons Disease, type 1 Diabetes, a calliper on one leg and can’t walk much, multitude blood gsl tests per day, postural hypertension, episodes of depression, neuropathy…… the list goes on. But I have a laptop, internet, my art gear, a car and license, a garden and I can see ….. oh how I love to see!!!!…. I paint positive visuals ….. and I ramble. I do find your blog interesting and was compelled to come back. Please do more drawings and post them for us…. so much emotion portrayed in your self portrait

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much… Hearing those from an artist means a lot to me. I will share more here. Hope you come back and maybe let me learn from you 🙂

      I want to open an exhibition too but do not know how 🙂

      Diabetes is one of the worst of auto-immune diseases and I agree “some people are worse” do not work as some people are better, far better for no reason. I totally understand you.

      Against all odds, as an artist, now you can see. It is the best gift ever. I am happy that you can see now.

      As you said amazing about my drawing I got more motivated. Actually I will start a new painting right now 🙂

      thank you so much! 🙂

      Like

  19. We all have a “dark hour”. For some it continues for much longer than an hour. I wish you well on your life journey. I think focus helps so it’s a good idea to set those goals. Look forward to reading that post that says, “I reached my35project!” …. and the others that follow after 35. May there be many, many more. Regards. eLFy 🙂

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  20. Thank you for sharing those ten things about yourself. It was undoubtedly
    hard to air them to the world, and how brave of you to do it! But it sounds to me as though you have the guts and determination to improve your life during the coming year. Take it step by step and refuse to give in. Put any minor slips behind, as of no consequence, and continue from where you left off. It’s likely that some of your health issues will improve once you get your diet and smoking under control. I’m no expert on this and can only hope you manage to climb out of the dark place you’re in. You sound such a lovely person – and a really good artist. I wish you every success in your efforts.

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  21. I love that you have decided to throw out the rulebook that you’ve been living by for 35 years and go with your instincts, it certainly looks like blogging was a step in the right direction!

    I’m pleased that you have found a place that you can be completely open and honest, we all need that and I’ll be supporting you on every step of your journey. Good luck, I hope 2015 is a year to remember… for all of the best reasons.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Keep going – I am sure there is a ton of support out there. Just look at all these comments! (I’m so jealous!) I’m pretty spiritual, but I don’t put that on anyone unless is it solicited. Best of luck. It’s the journey that matters.

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  23. And at the end of all that you come up with a plan to turn it all around. You are a true survivor. Wishing you love and light for all your days, in all your projects, throughout this year. All my best, Melissa Xx

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  24. I can relate to some of you 10 things. I’ll go with a positive one. I like to read too, but 90% fiction. I like to escape into another world. I’m in the middle of a draft post about it. I really enjoy audio books because i can do everything around the house while listening. Best wishes on your 35, I look forward to your drawings as well! Lauri

    Liked by 1 person

  25. All of the time we look to feel comfortable, not uncomfortable. I really admire your grit and courage for saying how it is when it feels bad. Without the there can be no pearl You must be a pearl to create a gem of honesty.

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  26. I read your profile twice – first reading giggled through it, second reading hugged and held you through it. You are a strong woman! My prayers with you. Thanks for following

    Liked by 2 people

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