I haven’t included “love” or “a relationship” in my projects because I don’t think they should be handled like a goal/project. Love should be magical and sudden. It should be surprising and full of excitement.
This does not mean I do not want love in my life, but I want to go slow.
I’ve met someone 3 days ago. He was super nice to me. Very kind and keen to meet. Our first date was very promising as we talked and laughed a lot. I told him about my fears about getting hurt again and he said ok.
He wanted to see me the next day and we met again.
We spent the whole day together and it was fun, later in the evening he wanted to spend the night together and I said no. (What about going slow my friend?) He said ok and I went home.
Today, although we decided yesterday to meet up again and go to the beach, he was late, making me wait for him like an hour. However, I did not want to get upset as it was such a nice day today. I tried not to nag about it but while we were out he did not talk to me like 4 hours.
OMG, it was the lamest date ever. When he started talking he criticized everything around us including people, cars, shopkeepers, food, weather, dogs, cats etc. He did not even smile and gave me a silent treatment most of the time.
Why was I putting up with this? Why was I tolerating this? I really do not know. I wanted to talk openly and all he said was how upset he was with me as I did not spend the night with him yesterday. He said he had doubts about starting a relationship with me. Sad but true.
I felt really worthless. I cried a little. Not for what he said, but for my stupid, childish heart which keep falling for these kind of idiots who try to get what they want by making others miserable, blaming them for nothing.
I admit, I am a hopeless romantic, who never cheated on anyone, who believes in love without expectations, who cares for others more than herself. I cannot be a selfish woman. However, I learned how to protect me from people who do not respect me.
So I said goodbye.
Today, I was really happy, now my energy is drained and I feel really tired. I need you, reader…
Edited later that day:
After writing this post I deleted his number and put it in Autoreject list, also blocked him from Instagram, Whatsapp and Facebook in 5 minutes. I am proud of my decision for not letting him contact me ever again. I will let noone hurt me. After several hours, he tried to call many times (as I saw on Autoreject notifications) and sent me several SMS (I do not know how to block them :)) He is still trying to understand why I did this. I did not even care to explain.
Thank you for being there for me. I felt really strong with your support!
Strong Alex 🙂