What has changed in a month? A lot!

A month ago, I started this blog. I wrote 10 things about me and it was very depressing to honestly admit that I have many problems. Now, I will make the first monthly evaluation. My comments of today are marked with red. Updated on Jan 23, 2015.

1. Single, white, female like the fucking movie. I am single, never been married, I live alone. I am fucking alone. Therefore, I have no personal life or career. What do I have?

I am still single 🙂 However, I do not feel alone. I have you dear reader! Actually, I enjoy my alone time a lot. I have many projects so I do not think about my single status that much. 

I have severe fibromyalgia, mitral valve pulmonerasis (heart disease), major depression, leaky gut syndrome, migraines, irritable bowel syndrome and the worst of it “candida albicans” throughout my digestive system. It is suprising that I haven’t died yet!

Thanks to my get healthy project:

  • I have less pain and no pain some days. Fibromyalgia is leaving. 
  • I used to have high heart rate every minute and now it happens like once a week when I really get anxious.
  • I feel better and better everyday. I do not feel that much helpless anymore. I can help myself 🙂
  • I developed a healthy diet for myself and create new recipes and follow them. I have less or no gas, stomach pain, cramps, diarrhea or constipation. My bowel is not that irritated that much any more 🙂
  • I cured my tongue thrush with rubbing tea tree oil and propolis daily. Still doing it. It is pinky pink now 🙂

So far so good 🙂

2. Just turned 35 and my life is ultra-shitty mess. People say that 35 is the best age blah blah, well it is a huge lie. At least for me. This is the worst time ever. Actually, I do not recall a single happy moment in the last 3 years.

I had many small happy moments starting with Jan 19, 2015 with the seagull incident. Read the details from here.

4. I have high IQ (over 160 and it is a curse), I hold a graduate degree in psychology that is even ridiculous cause I have major depression right now. Ironic? I wish I could laugh at it. I am in deep shit and I want to fix that and share my daily efforts with whoever wants to read.

I am laughing at it now 🙂 I decided to use my gift for inspiring people, not depressing myself 🙂

5. I have spent half of my life ”trying to be something or someone” both for me and others. For the time being, I have always been too scared to do something bold like keeping an honest online diary. Well, that did not work out so well for the past 35 yrs, did it? So I quit that strategy cause maybe you can give me some support.

Well, I do not care much about anything. I just believe now, everything is getting better everyday. Thanks to your support, I started to gain my self-respect back.

6. EVERY FUCKING THING I WRITE HERE IS 100% TRUE. By the way, my real name is not Alex. But it is my favorite one.

Still true 🙂 

7. I smoke like a chimney. I am not proud of it. I just cannot quit.

This one is not changed a bit. I will handle this later this year.

8.  I read a lot. Learning is my passion. I like to write but I had problems writing on daily basis. Hope my followers help me with that. I can draw and I will share my drawings through this page.

Since I’ve started this blog, I wrote 2-5 posts per day. I disciplined myself towards it. Your support, comments, good wishes for me are my reasons to write every single day.

9. I used to have a successful career until this year. And then, I got fired/forced to quit. I used to have a very fit body size 4 and now it turned to a 10 in 3 months. I use anti-depressants. I sleep a lot. I feel fat, ugly and sick all the time. I really want to heal both physiologically & psychologically and get better. I try everything but they don’t seem to work.

I had several 8-to-5 job offers for managerial positions and turned them down. I figured what I do not want anymore. I do not want corporate bullshit, yay-saying people around and boring tasks that insult my IQ. I am launching my business and will give consulting/coaching/R&D services for firms. I will deal with the CEOs directly. After that decision, people started to call. 

I will be writing about my mobbing trauma later but I am still under construction about dealing with it. 

I sleep from midnight to 7 a.m. every day. I disciplined my mind and body.

I lost 10lbs as I started my Ideal weight project (from 130lbs to 105lbs goal) and then got sick, gained 7lbs back on. I postponed my deadline and lost 7 lbs until I restarted the project. I am going slow but it is fine. I am getting there.

10. My35project is my original idea to reach 35 goals this year and try to succeed in both my private and work life.

I have tasted success in a small month. Most of all, I gained you.

Thank you for being there for me, by following, reading, commenting, congratulating, encouraging, advicing. 

I love you 🙂

Alex

First posted on Dec 21, 2014

Updated on Jan 23, 2015

Published by

Alex - Project Lady

35 year old woman who has hit the rock bottom tryin to get up again and reach her 35 dreams I am a psychologist who suffers from major depression and severe fibromyalgia. It was all about career to me. But today, I have no job, no husband, no kids. Alone. And, I want to change my fucking life.

23 thoughts on “What has changed in a month? A lot!”

  1. Wow!!! Im glad you are finally healing. But, please control your smoking habits. Smoking decreases our life span & You know what I was also facing depression in the past year but I cured myself. Life is not about feeling helpless. Life is about celebrating, enjoying & most of all feeling greatful of what is happening to you. You are definitely getting stronger. I’m glad I read your blog & sometimes I feel so motivated that it cant be written in words. Stay blessed !!! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so happy you’re seeing the brighter side!! 🙂 Do check out my latest post, I don’t mean to preach, I just think it’s a great reminder! Good luck going ahead!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. A great post, Alex. I’m impressed by what you’ve achieved in a month – and it’s evident that your determination still holds strong. You sound much brighter/content/happier too. Good for you!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I never read the original post. It is very honest and open.

    I’m glad you are moving forward.

    The world is as beautiful as it is shitty. And so are the people.

    So, I’m glad you are one of the beautiful club!!

    Liked by 1 person

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