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January 9, 2015

One of those days with that morphine effect…

by Alex - Project Lady

There are some days like my yesterday, when you got tired of emotions. My “so called” coach friends made me tired, my chronic auto-immune diseases made me tired, my dissociative body made me tired. I was sad and very emotional.

You’ve had those days too. Hard days. The next day, the body and the mind gets too tired and react towards all these tiring stuff. That is a stage called apathy. It is like you are watching yourself like a theatre show from a distance. You do not control, you do not react, you do not get into any conversation with your mind. It is like one-day retirement of emotions.

It is a morphine effect of body when severely injured and the pain is too much to feel, body shots down the pain receptors in the brain. Today is one of these days for me. Shut down. Emotionless. Retiring for one day.

I just watched some movies from the list, took my painkillers and antibiotics for my tooth, took my probiotics for my gut like I am a machine. So automatic. So (e)motionless.

Tomorrow I plan to get back to myself with more will power. But today, today I will be a eyewitness to myself. Today I just don’t feel like doing anything…

Like in poker. I will just pass this time.

Tomorrow, I will be better.

Love,

Alex

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